Parents, teach your children well

We had a most wonderful time over the Easter holiday. We traveled to Tennessee to visit with my family. Such an awesome time. Cannot say enough about it. I hope to upload pictures soon on our family blog, so stay tuned for that. As for this blog and this post, let me just say, there was one incident that just reinforced what we already knew we would face.

We stopped at a small town McD's on the way up to allow the kids time to stretch and play on the play ground. While there, we encountered The Bully Family. I call them that because I never got their 'real' name but Bully is a fitting name. There were two children accompanied by an adult I presume to be their mother. The boy was maybe 5 or 6 but was rather large. I would guesstimate he weighed in at 70ish pounds. The girl was close in age but more 'appropriately' sized. The girl was quite taken by my daughter's hair. My daughter, Ansley, is from Taiwan and has silky, straight black hair. She touched my daughter's hair a LOT. The boy gathered the other children and told them they were playing pirates. As they were playing, he decided Sawyer was the enemy and they needed to run from him. I suspected there was a smidge of ignorance/prejudice associated with this declaration but I overlooked it as Sawyer was oblivious and was happy to be on the play equipment. During this time, the little girl tried to keep Sawyer from getting on the equipment. I stepped in and told her to move because my son WAS playing on this equipment. This girl also tried to stop Ansley from playing on a piece of equipment. Now, I don't worry about Ansley. She can take care of herself. She threw her shoulders back and bowed up at Bully Girl and was ready to take her on. Randy stepped in and suggested Ansley go play on something else and thus averted a confrontation that I feel certain Ansley could have handled.

Back to Bully boy. As we were gathering the children to go, Sawyer was up at the top of the equipment. The boy saw Sawyer and ran up the steps. He came up to Sawyer and said, " What are you doing here CREEP". At that point, I stepped in and told him to stop. He then started jumping up and down trying to make Sawyer lose his balance. Sawyer kept moving towards the slide. When he got there, Bully said, "Push him down the slide". At that point, Randy said, "Don't you push him down the slide!" Now the next thing that happened warms my heart. Ansley stepped in between Sawyer and Bully to prevent Bully from hurting Sawyer. Since my kids have a Love/Hate relationship, I was happy to see that. Anyway, Sawyer slid down the slide and we proceeded to pack up and get them to the car.

It makes me sad that someone picked on my child. But it makes me ANGRY that the mother never said ONE word during this whole ordeal. NOTHING. Now whether Bully learned this behavior at home or school is up for debate. The fact that the mother said nothing told me (And more importantly Bully) that she condoned that behavior. Bully will continue to act this way. (at least until he meets a bigger bully)

Now we knew when Sawyer was born with Down Syndrome, he'd face these kinds of prejudices. (We had hoped it wouldn't be at the age of 3!) We knew when we adopted Ansley, she'd face prejudices. And we understand when our son comes home from Ethiopia, that he, too, will face prejudices. Our task is obvious (and has been. This just brought it home) We must learn how to handle situations like this and be able to teach our children how to handle them. Because in the end, they will face them many times when we are not there to protect them. We have to give them strength and confidence and the ability to handle the situation appropriately.

So my point is, Parents MUST teach their children NOT to be afraid of differences. They MUST teach them to judge people on the content of their character,not by their outward characteristics that make them different or alike. They must teach them to appreciate the differences and not be afraid of them. There is no excuse for prejudice/hatred.

FAQ #3: Why? Ethiopia?

Another frequently asked question is: Why Ethiopia? If you have never been 'drawn' to adoption, you'll never understand this explanation. If you are in the adoption world, it will make total sense.

There is a practical side to choosing a country from which you will adopt. You DO have to meet their criteria. All countries have some sort of criteria that potential adoptive parents must meet. Age, marriage status, etc. Therefore, when you are choosing a country, first and foremost, you have to be able to meet that country's criteria and the country has to meet your criteria for the child you are looking. The other practical side is What are the most common issues seen in children from the country? Can you handle those potential issues? Not that every child coming from that country will have these issues but the chances are greater that these issues will be seen in children from that country.

Beyond that, once you start researching countries, you begin to be drawn to one country over another. Maybe it's because you speak with people who've adopted from that country. Maybe it's because you've read stories about that country. Maybe it's because you see pictures of children from that country and are just drawn to those pictures. Maybe it's something else. Whatever it is, there is a definite 'pull' towards one country over another country. I think also during this time, your preconceived notions of what life is like in the country you are researching or what the people are like or why the children might be available for adoption, are shattered. Things you thought were true are not necessarily true and you begin to see that country in a different light from which you previously examined it.

At the time we were adopting Ansley, the pull was Taiwan over Guatemala or China. I remember talking to our agency rep at the time and asking, how do we know whether China or Taiwan or Guatemala is for us. She said, you'll know. Once you start researching and really looking at the country and requirements and the children, you'll know. She was right. This time, it was Ethiopia over a waiting child in China. It was a tough call but I feel like we made the right decision for us. Everyone who has or is adopting from Ethiopia has read Melissa Fay Greene's book, There is No Me Without You. She also has a website: http://www.thereisnomewithoutyou.com/ . If you check out this site, you might see why someone would be drawn to Ethiopia. Maybe you won't. Like I said, it's something that only someone who has been drawn to adoption can truly understand. Many people don't understand 'adoption' and therefore, won't understand a feeling that your child is waiting for you in a specific country. That is the feeling we had. We just KNEW our child was waiting for us in Ethiopia. It's a feeling that cannot be shaken. We knew there was a little boy out there somewhere who was waiting for us. That feeling led us to Ethiopia. It's not a hard science but rather a 'feeling'. Not emotion really, more like a gut instinct.

One Whole Week

Yep. Check out the ticker at the top. We've made it one whole week. I didn't spaz. I didn't call the agency and ask for our referral. Nope. Just cruised on through the week with the kids and had a great time. We met up with our local Ethiopian adoption group and had dinner last night. (Thanks Laura. I borrowed the picture) We had a great time visiting with everyone and watching the children interact with each other. Ansley had a great time with Sophia, whose family is moving down here from DC. Life is good and busy. Just what we need.

FAQ #2 Why? Domestically vs. Internationally

Many people wonder why we'd adopt internationally, instead of domestically. Most of the time, these folks either don't understand domestic adoption or don't understand our family dynamic. Both play a part in why we chose international over domestic.

There are so many kids in this world who need a home, many of them here in the US. Believe me, I've checked. I've searched waiting children's lists, Wednesdays child, Thursdays child, etc. Many of the children available for adoption in the US are older, much older. Since our oldest is only 5, we felt (at this time) we were not equipped to parent an older child. Many of the older children in the foster care system have been through a lot in their lives and need parents with very special skills. We don't feel like we have those skills. Nor do we feel like the children we have at home now are at a stage where we can take on a child who is older.

Many of the children in the foster care system who are younger, are also medically fragile or have needs we feel we are incapable of handling. Plain and simple.

So that leaves children who are in limbo or newborns. We made a decision we did not want a newborn. BTDT, don't want to do it again. Plus, so many new couples/younger couples want newborns, we felt like we might be depriving another couple of a newborn child if we chose that route.

What about the kids in 'limbo'? Many, many kids fall into this category. They live in foster families until they can be put back into their birth families or until birth family rights are terminated. This means we would foster a child, perhaps a child we would consider adopting. This child might be in and out of our house/home/lives until such time as the courts made the decision as to where he/she might permanently be placed. It can take months, even years for the child's fate to be determined. Anyone who knows Ansley's story, knows she was in foster care while waiting on us to 'pick her up'. Because she was in care for so long, she saw many other kids come and go from her foster family. She still has problems feeling secure in our family. (They are getting better but the problems still exist) Having foster kid(s) coming and going in our family would NOT be good for her. She might not ever feel secure in this family.

So that leaves private adoption. Meaning, a friend, family member, acquaintance has a child they are putting up for adoption (usually a newborn) and they ask you to adopt this child through a private adoption. I have heard of such things but have never been faced with this option in my life. If that happens, I'll let you know what we decide.

So this is why we chose international adoption. Like it or not, it was our decision to make and this is why we made it. Many folks get real ticky about this but we made the decision that is right for our family and that's all we need to do or say.

Life's Good

Just got confirmation that we are indeed on the "Official Wait List". So in a short (who am I kidding, excruciatingly LONG) 3-5 month wait, we will know who our son is. Then in yet another even longer, 3+ months, we'll be able to hold him in our arms. WOOHOO!!!!!

Fingers Crossed

Our dossier is now in the hands of FedEx. Our fingers are crossed that it gets to our agency tomorrow AND that all the pieces are correct and can be sent to DC for further 'blessings'. Will let you know when we have news to report.

Blood, Sweat and Tears

This is what we've been working on since October! It's all summed up into these pages. Hopefully tomorrow we can get the remainder scanned in and then off to our agency. After that, it will be sent to Washington DC and the State Department and the Ethiopian Embassy. If it passes ALL of those hurdles, it is sent to Ethiopia for translation.

I'll let you know once anything new happens!

Got It!

Got our approval from Homeland Security today. We are approved to bring 1 (NOT TWINS) child into the country. We hope to have everything authenticated early next week and off to our agency soon there after.

I'm doing the happy dance right now!