Come On Over

OK. Not sure if Randy will find time to write the rest of his memories down or not. So this may be it for this blog. Please come on over and join us on our 'family' blog. The link is on the right hand side of your screen. This blog was really meant for adoption 'stuffs'. Now that we are all home, we are concentrating on becoming a family. Lots of joy and happiness, so be sure the check in from time to time. If you should have questions on adoption, please leave me a comment. I LOVE talking to others about adoption. I think it is a wonderful way to build your family.

Coffee Ceremony

The Coffee Ceremony began with a lady in traditional Ethiopian dress preparing an urn of Frankincense and lighting it on fire so that it would smolder and release a rich, but not overwhelming fragrant scent. We were told that Frankincense, which comes from the bark of the Boswellia tree, only occurs naturally in Ethiopia. It is for this reason that Ethiopians believe that the wise man, who brought Frankincense to the birth of Jesus, was from Ethiopia. The lady then built a little fire that would be used to roast the coffee beans. The roasting took quite awhile, but when the beans got close to being complete she called everyone over to smell the wonderful aroma. During this time popcorn was also made and passed around. Popcorn is quite a treat in Ethiopia. All the while the coffee was being prepared all the families had a great opportunity to talk and get to know one another. Ryan explained to us that the real heart of a coffee ceremony was the chance to get people together to talk. I have to say that it worked out very well.

Finally the coffee beans were completed roasting and the lady then ground them up by hand. She then put the ground coffee beans into what looked like a cast iron pitcher filled with water and placed it over the fire to brew. I wish that I had watched this part a little more closely, because the coffee was very good and I’m now finding it very hard to believe it was made with just a cast iron pitcher. Finally once the coffee had brewed she gave each person a small cup. We were told that it was considered impolite to drink less than three cups. I can definitely see why coffee ceremonies are so popular in Ethiopia. It gives people a wonderful reason to get together to and enjoy great company and great coffee.

Wednesday of the Trip (part 1)

Wednesday would turn out to be a very busy day. It was also on this day that Mesfin helped me in a tremendous way solve a problem that I hear Mommies deal with all the time. Namely, what to do with the kids when you’re trying to take a shower and get ready in the morning. It turned out that Mesfin’s is a very food motivated young man, so much so that all you have to do is put a bottle within arm’s reach and he’ll grab and start drinking away. So I laid out a blanket in the bathroom and made him a bottle which luckily kept him happily occupied for the duration of a shower and getting dressed each morning, which was very nice. After getting ready we would go upstairs for breakfast each morning. The food was very good, at least the part I got to eat that Mesfin didn’t.

Our first activity of the day was to go to one of the Gladney Foster Care houses for a traditional Coffee Ceremony. It was here we got meet the other families adopting through Gladney. There was Peggy, Chris, Jess, Wendy, McKay, Stephanie and of course Mike and Amy who rode over with me from the Bejoe house. Also while we were here we got to meet some of Mesfin’s caregivers and nannies, who as soon as they saw him, whisked him away and promptly dressed him in more appropriate Ethiopian attire which you have probably already seen on the blog. They were wonderful and you could tell in their faces and Mesfin’s that there was a huge amount of love and happiness shared between them.

Stay tuned for the coffee ceremony.......( I Have no idea why the font is screwed up)

First Full Day

The next morning I woke up by 7:00am and was upstairs for breakfast by 8:00 where I met Mike and Amy from Lincoln, Nebraska who were also staying at the Bejoe house. They had arrived a day before me and already had their new son Mussie, what a cutie. I would definitely like to thank Mike and Amy for allowing Mesfin and me to tag along with you guys on the many occasions during the trip. It was great to have someone so nice staying in the same house to hang around with, since I was otherwise traveling alone with Mesfin.

After breakfast Ryan and Travis arrived with Mesfin. It was amazing. He looked exactly like the pictures we had received over the past months. I felt like I already knew him although I was just now about to hold him for the first time. Mesfin and Travis had become pretty good buddies, so at first there was quite a bit of crying when I tried to hold him. Over the course of about an hour he really warmed up to me and from then on he and I did great.

At this point we had the rest of the day to ourselves. Before leaving for lunch (with Mike, Amy, and Mussie) I also met Eyasu who handled driving Mesfin and I around for the week. Eyasu was great, he made it so easy to get where we needed to go and was yet another super pleasant person to be around. I’m not sure but are you seeing a pattern here. I know its hard to believe, but this trip was filled with unbelievably nice people, I certainly hope I can somehow keep this streak going. Eyasu took us to a restaurant called the Family Restaurant, which true to its name is what you would expect it to be. It was like you took a typical family style restaurant in America and dropped it down in Addis Ababa. Later that night when I was reading though my Lonely Plant travel guide on Ethiopia, it actually had a write up on the Family Restaurant. It turns out that the owner used to be the head chef at the American Embassy in Addis Ababa, so it makes perfect sense that he understood American tastes.

I think at a high level Tuesday’s activities set the tone for the remainder of the week: Eat - Adoption work – Eat – Rain – Eat. The only variation seemed to be on certain days there was more adoption work inserted and more rain inserted at different places. So for anyone traveling to Ethiopia this time of year, if no one has told you yet, it rains…. A lot…. Everyday. Bring an umbrella…. Everywhere you go.

The Trip Over - by Randy

Here are some clips from the 'story' Randy is writing to help him remember his trip.

I remember when preparing for the trip to pick up our new son in Ethiopia my feelings were a mixture of excitement and a bit of worry about how he would react to me.

On the leg from Atlanta to Frankfurt, Germany I sat beside a very nice gentleman on his way back to Israel after visiting his son in who lives in Atlanta. Although his English was limited it was infinitely better than my Hebrew and we chatted for hours on just about anything you can think of. He was very nice and had led quite an interesting life. From Frankfurt we flew to Khartoum, Sudan for a short stop and then on to Addis Ababa. On this leg I sat beside another very nice man from Italy who was living in Switzerland. He was on his way to work on a water project at Lake Tana in Ethiopia.

Finally, after the 21+ hour flight I was greeted happily by Hanuk and Ryan from Gladney at the Addis Ababa airport. When Hanuk asked me were I lived and I told him Atlanta, I literally burst out laughing when he said, “So how are things goin’ in the ATL!” It turns out that Hanuk lived in the US several years while he attended college in Texas, so his English and knowledge of American culture was extremely good. After driving me the short distance to the Bejoe guest house, I remember Ryan telling me that he and Travis would bring Mesfin over the next morning around 9:30. Now keep in mind its around 10pm local time, however, I was wide awake at this point and my biggest worry was over sleeping since I didn’t bring an alarm clock with me.

to be continued...

Still More

He was LOVED by his Nannies

Inside Holy Trinity Church


Rodeo Addis-Just Like Texas!


Breakfast at LaParisian (Thanks, Jess)

Random Pics

Guest House (albeit a bit blurry)


Coffee Ceremony


Crater Lake as seen from Dreamland (I believe)

These are some of the scenes in Addis Ababa and the surrounding area. Obviously, there are scenes that are not as beautiful. There are also scenes of a city being renovated as well as scenes of the beautiful people living there. I am not allowed to post pictures of children who have not been placed with their forever families but let me assure you, they are all very beautiful. The other 'people' pics will have to come later when Randy can explain who they are.

First Meeting

I'll post more adoption trip pictures on this blog. To read about our life post-placement, go to our family blog. The link is on the right hand side of the screen.

Travis bringing Mesfin to the Guest House for first meeting

Not So Happy at First

Too Tired to Fight It

Their First Dining Experience

Read about it HERE
Thanks Ryan/Amy/Mike for taking pics of them

Mission Accomplished

They are Coming Home!!!!

They got the transit visa! (Word of advice: If you are traveling alone, avoid having to go thru Frankfurt and having to get the transit visa. Not a nice process apparently)

He was able to meet with Mesfin's birth mother and several family members today. He said it went well. (As well as that kind of meeting can go) Mesfin was not very interested in going to them, which is great(for us that he is attaching to Randy) and sad(for them as they wanted to hold him one last time) at the same time. Hopefully, they feel at ease with their decision and with us as Mesfin's family. They were very interested in the pictures I sent of our family. (For future traveling families, the pictures are something both of our childrens' birth families have really appreciated) This part always makes me sad (Imagine if I were sitting right across from them, what a blubbering mess I would be). It makes me sad the someone has to 'lose' but in fact, that is what happens. We gained a son but to do that, a mother lost a child and a child lost his birth family and his culture. In the end, he gained another family and another culture. Reality is harsh sometimes.

They are heading to airport in a few hours. Randy is HOPING Mesfin sleeps the first leg of the journey and that he only has to keep him busy the last leg. *fingers crossed*

Pictures soon!!!

Forgot to mention. Apparently, Mesfin's birth father was a man, short in stature. Let's see, short and male pattern baldness. Mesfin may be more like Randy than Randy.

So Close

He's filling out the paperwork for the German Embassy. He'll be there tomorrow morning at 9am. He hopes he'll be able to go back after lunch to pick up his transit visa. *fingers crossed*

Today they went to an English speaking Evangelical Church service. He said it was great. He took some video of the children's choir. I think he said they opened up the service with "Holy, Holy, Holy".

Because it was so late when he got back from making copies of all his paperwork for his Embassy appointment tomorrow, he was not able to go back to Kolfe. Instead, he went back to the agency's baby house where Mesfin lived the past few months. He (Hopefully) took some pictures of a special little girl whose mommy and daddy are waiting. (If not, he's pretty sure Amy did. YOU know who you are) I think he also visited one of the younger kid's orphanages. (Not really sure of the proximity of everything)

He said there was a group of boys that started singing. The guards were laughing and Randy said the boys were so cute. Finally, the guards said the boys were asking for money. (it actually has something to do with the current festival that is going on) So Randy called the 'leader' over and gave him a few birr and told him to share with the other boys. So then they started singing again and he asked the guards what they were saying this time. They were singing, "Thank you, Mesfin's daddy".

It's been a great week of travel. He's met many wonderful people. He's grown to love a new culture, the culture of his 4th child. I know his desire is to maintain this connection with the people and the country, to help where he can, and to make sure Mesfin is very proud of his heritage. He is also ready to get home and spend time with the rest of his family. He wants us to meet this little guy who has already stolen his heart. Believe me, we're ready too. Ansley already wants to show him how to play with "her" toys and help me change his diapers. Judson is ready to teach him all about street signs and maps. Sawyer is just ready to be his friend. Mom is ready to have all her chicks in one nest! Soon....

DreamLand

Randy HAD to go shopping today. It was his last opportunity so he made himself go. He's a man who hates shopping. Add on to that, he had to 'haggle' and he was miserable. (you know, that I could have gotten a better price voice that nags at you) It sounded like he made several purchases. An outfit for Mesfin and Ansley. (Fingers crossed that the sizes are okay) A map for Judson. A mancala game and a few other purchases that I cannot remember. I think he was relieved to have that part behind him.

They also got Mesfin's biometric photos done for German Transit visa. He will be going to the German Embassy at 9am Monday. Say a little prayer that all goes well with the visit and the transit visa can be issued that day.

He also will get to meet Mesfin's birthmom on Monday. (if all goes well) Again, it's one of those things you WANT and NEED to do but get all nervous about too. Lots of knots in your stomach.

They went to Dreamland tonight. He said it was beautiful and he thoroughly enjoyed it. Mesfin did great too. When I was speaking to him after they returned, Mesfin crawled up beside him and started drifting off to sleep. Randy says Mesfin's personality is really shining through. (apparently, he's a lady's man!) Different from the other 3 and likely to clash with Ansley's, he said. Oh well, it'll make Ansley happy to have another cross to bear and another soul to torture.

Soon...we will have pictures of our family of 6!

Time is Moving in Slow Motion

The week is catching up with them today. They were out until 11pm last nite and today they visited 4 orphanages. So emotionally and physically, they are drained.

I knew this would happen, I knew once he visited with the older children, he'd realize we could have adopted an older (4 or 5 ish age range) child. He said, when he mentioned that very thing to Ryan, Ryan told him that's what everyone says. There are just no words or even pictures that can show how special the older children are. How sweet and well-behaved and lovable, etc, etc, etc. Ryan said if only they could bring people there BEFORE they decide the age range, they could probably get more older children adopted. That being said, they also realize that adoption is not the best long term solution for the millions of children in Ethiopia. There has to be a sustainable economy and infrastructure in place. To that end, Gladney and other groups are working on long term solutions. I just want to put out there, if you are contemplating adoption, you might want to consider if an older child (over age 4) is an option that would work for your family. Please do your research on what to expect with older child adoption, too.

Randy was really impacted by the Kolfe boys. There are officially around 130 boys living there with another 60 or so that sack out there when the sun goes down. They have done a lot of work on the dwellings but much more needs to be done. The kitchen has a pit for a wood fire over which their daily meals are made. Randy made friends with a 13-ish year old who wants to be a doctor. Biology is his favorite subject. Randy's impression was the boy's eyes were much older than his 13 years. Whether his age was off (which happens) or his eyes had lived much more than most 13 year olds should/do, is hard to know. Either way, he and all the boys made a great impression upon Randy. So much so, that Randy plans on going back to visit them on Sunday.

His other impression was that all these kids (in all the orphanages) were very good about looking out for each other. The older ones took care of the younger ones. It was just 'what they did'. At one point, Mesfin was about to fall down, one of the other children reached out and picked him up to steady him.

Oh yeah, for those traveling soon, he said it rained harder today than any other day. Water was rushing through the stores he said. He asked if this was unusual and they said, no, it happens a lot. It also hailed/sleeted for a bit too.

One more thing, the group that is there now went in together to have a party for one of the orphanages as I wrote a previous post. However, this is a fasting time in Ethiopia, so they are not able to consume meat and therefore, not able to have the party this week. They will have the party in a couple of weeks and send us pictures. Maybe some that are traveling after this group will be able to participate in the festivities, who knows. (one might wonder why my husband just told me this. Well, if you know my husband you'd know the answer. Basically, I think it was Travis that told the group about the meat prep, etc, however, Belay confirmed that they couldn't have it this week due to fasting. Just a communication glitch)

I did get to babble over the phone with my littlest guy. He says his "ma ma ma" and "ba ba ba" sounds. Heck, he may have said something in Amharic but I didn't understand. Randy says he's saying "ciao" to everyone. Guess he's ready to get home!

2nd Time is a Charm

I did get through tonite. They had a great meal and entertainment tonight. This was the traditional meal and dance ceremony night. He said the food was wonderful as was the music and dancing. He really, REALLY liked it. He even said he could live there just for the food.

Tomorrow they visit the orphanages. I'm betting that will be rather bitter-sweet.

Mesfin is doing great. Sleeping well and eating well. NOT liking baths.

Until tomorrow. (BTW, I posted the answers to people's questions on the yahoo group. If you have more questions, let me know and I'll try to get them answered.)

No Communication Today

Randy is at a Gladney function and won't be back until 11pm. Doubt I'll get to speak with him today. So for those getting ready to travel who had questions, I'll get them answered as soon as I can.

Another Day in Addis

Day 3 (or is it 2): He said he was able to take lots of pictures in the bigger kids house. (not so many in the baby house) So those who are waiting for toddlers, maybe he'll have pics of your child. I'll let you know. He had his Embassy appointment. It was fine. I think tomorrow is breakfast with all the Gladney families and off to visit a church/museum. Mesfin's visa will be ready Friday morning. He then will have to go to the German Embassy on Monday and apply for Mesfin's transit visa. There is normally a 24 hour turnaround. HOPEFULLY, he can get it sooner since his plane leaves Monday night.

The Gladney families pooled their money to have a party for one of the orphanages. While the orphanages provide for the necessities, they aren't always able to provide 'extras'. So this party will have meat (a luxury) and drinks and fruit. They were also invited to the pre-party activities. (ie: preparing the meat if you know what I mean. Approx 5 goats to feed 1 orphanage). I think the party is Friday. I do believe Randy declined the meat prep portion of the party.

That's all for today. More tomorrow.

Communication Success!

Finally was able to speak with Randy. He's doing great. He says Mesfin is warming up to him well. He started off hesitant, then moved to the 'clingy', 'Don't leave me' stage. He is now venturing off and visiting with others and coming back to make sure Randy is there. This is their first day together so that is great. He had fallen asleep on the couch after his big day. Tomorrow is the Embassy appointment and the coffee ceremony. So, another big day.

Forgot to Mention: Randy thinks Mesfin has male-pattern baldness. He has a bare spot on the back of his head. Oh well, like father like son is all I can say!

Communication Problems

Couldn't get through via telephone last nite. Today, I got this email from Randy:

"Things are going very well, very busy though. Ryan and Travis brought Me=
sfin to the guest house this morning, they have decided it is best to do it=
away from the orphanage because it a lot of people are crying it really up=
sets the child and makes things a lot harder.=A0 It has gone very well, he =
was very cautious at first and cried a little bit, but now he has really wa=
rmed up.=A0 I have him in the harness now and he just snuggles up to you.=
=A0 We went to the 'Family Restaurant', Amy and Mike wanted to go there and=
we had hamburgers and fries.=A0 It was very good and Mesfin ate french fri=
es, little pieces of hamburger, and little pieces of bun and drank water ve=
ry well out of the new sippy cups that you sent."

The Mission

One Man

Three Suitcases



His Mission



Bring Back Their Brother

Why Adopt?

I cannot say it any better than this!

GO Here and Read what I'm talking about.

Court Closed

So today's court proceedings were the last for two months. The courts in Ethiopia have closed for the rainy season. To those whose cases made it through, Congratulations! To those who are still waiting, what can I say except that I am sorry for you and your child. I'm very sad that you have to wait. I wish you peace and comfort during this time.

Jan

Another Update

If you know my family you've got to laugh. Notice the high forehead and the gap between the front teeth. Too funny.

OK. I gotta say, I just want to get him home and squeeze him and hold him and kiss him and play with him and love on him. Not long now!

From Travis

“Mesfin- Get ready!! Mesfin is full of energy in the best way! Talk, talk, talk! I do not remember him not talking for more than ten seconds! He mostly says, ‘da-da-da-da’ when I am around but also walked around with another little girl, having a conversation about something! And I mean a conversation! Aside from talking, he is getting in to everything! ‘What’s in your bag?’ ‘What are you writing?’ ‘Why are you not looking at me?’ Mesfin loves to scribble and is very fun!


Honestly, I don't know when he'll have time to talk since Judson consumes most of his waking moments talking.

Look What I Got!!!

My cyber-friend Sarah made me a new header in honor of our little guy. Isn't it great! Thanks,
Sarah. I love it!

To Answer Your Questions

Many folks have asked us Mesfin's story and background. We have not answered those questions and don't plan to in the future. Not that we are trying to be rude. However, we do feel his story is just that, HIS. He should be the one to tell it to whom ever he decides, whenever he decides. So, just as we've done with Ansley, we will keep all of the information we have on Mesfin and his life before he became a Stricklin in a safe place. When each are old enough to understand their life story, they will be given the information.

On to other news, we have airline reservations. We are hoping that another option opens up but at least we have something. Our hotel reservations are made. We are now gathering humanitarian aid and trying to figure out how we will get it all over there. A very big Thank You to our home study social worker who is notarizing our POAs for us. Everything is falling into place. Life is GOOD!

Just a Few Days Left

To win a Blackberry Curve. Check it out HERE.

Retort

To the person who said: "I could never love a child who is not my own". To you, I have a 2-fold answer. First, thank goodness for a child that you figured that out before you decided to adopt. Second, you make me sad for you. I have 4 children. ALL of them are MINE, my very own. I matters not how they came into our family. They are MINE. They always will be MINE. I love them all and could not love them more whether they have or have not any DNA connection back to me or my husband.

We have not met Mesfin, face-to-face yet. However, I can tell you he is loved by our family. He will continue to be loved by our family. He IS our family, just as Judson, Sawyer and Ansley are our family. From what I am being told, his personality is a perfect match for our family. (full of spunk and a joy for life and a clown) How could you not love him?

The person who actually said this to me, doesn't actually read this blog. So, I told her part of the retort face to face. However, upon further reflection, I realized I didn't tell her all. So I write this down so that next time I run across this person or one like her, I can tell that person more of my feelings. I mean, why not. She, ever so uninvited, told me her feelings.

For those who don't read our family blog, I sometimes get up on my soapbox and spout off. This is one of those times. I'll come back down now.

It Happens to Everyone

I read about this all the time with bloggers who are adopting. They run into the Notarization Police who will not notarize their document because it says, "Power of Attorney" at the top. Well, today was my day. Went to the bank to have my POA notarized so Randy can take it with him to Addis Ababa. Nope, they won't notarize such documents. HELLO. Someone forget to tell you that all your notary seal does is verify that I signed the document? Geez...what's up with these folks?????

What Next?

We are trying to confirm guest house and airline reservations. I REALLY don't want to have to get Randy and 3 kids up at 3am to get the airport for a 5:40am flight. Then again, I'm married to Mr. Frugal. Doing that could save $700. Which will he pick? Stay tuned.....

We Passed!!

OK. So I was poor-mouthing our chances of getting through before courts closed for the rainy season. I have no explanation for why us and not the others. All I can say is, We Passed!

We are proud to present to you:

Turner Mesfin StricklinThank you to all who went before and took pictures of our little guy.

Just Gotta Laugh

I took the kids to McD's today so they could play. (Mental note: Do not take them again on a Tuesday). Apparently, on Tuesdays at this particular store, they have Senior Bingo in the kid's play area. So a couple of ladies wondered over to our table. One to say, she hoped my kids would not scream so that they'd (The Seniors) would be able to hear their BINGO numbers being called. Okay, let's see. McD's...kiddie area....and keep the kids quiet. Yeah, right. STRIKE ONE. The other came to tell me how cute my kids were and asked if I were their Grandmother. Oh yeah, they're winning me over fast. STRIKE TWO. I told her they were my children and that, in fact, we were adopting another child. When I informed her we were adopting from Ethiopia, she said, "Oh, you're going to be just like Madonna". Yep, me and the Material Girl are tight. STRIKE THREE.

You just gotta laugh.

Update on M

It's always great to get an update on our little guy. It is also bittersweet to see the progress via pictures instead of experiencing them 'in person'. Our latest update says M is on track developmentally and is growing more confident daily. He also has been moved to a bigger room and is walking everywhere. In fact, Travis reports: " He was recently moved in to a new room with plenty of space to move around and will probably be doing back flips when you arrive!"

HOORAH!

There is movement. Let me clarify, there is promise of movement. They are releasing some of the cases and are going to start processing again. Life is good!

Now, what will that mean for us? Don't know. Time will tell.

As Expected

Our case was heard in court today. The birth mother did show up to relinquish her rights. However, the piece of the puzzle that has been MIA in all the cases for the last 2 months is still missing. Hopefully, soon. Until then, our case remains open.

To the case workers and in-country staff for our agency, THANK YOU. You work hard and take a lot of crap from cranky (and that's being polite) families. You are doing a tremendous job and we support you 100%. You don't deserve the 'attacks' you have endured. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty and have done a tremendous job in communication. As far as our family goes, we think you ROCK!

Shots

Even though Randy will be the only one traveling to Ethiopia, it is recommended by the CDC that everyone in the household have the HepA series of shots. So today, I loaded up the crew and headed to the doctor for the kids second round of HepA shots. (It's a 2 shot series) They did great and didn't even cry! Ansley actually watched as the needle went in and didn't flinch. Sawyer ended up not getting his 2nd shot. He'll have to wait. He's on antibiotics for a UTI.

Here's the before:
Here's the after: (notice the bandaids)

Thursday (July 10th) is the Day

Same 'ole, same 'ole. Based on yesterday's conference call with the agency, things are still status-quo. Meaning, not much chance of getting a positive judgment at our court date on Thursday.

That said, the agency is hoping things will start to move in a couple of weeks. Not sure if that will help us or not. Courts close August 6th/8th. They won't reopen until October. So we have until August 6th to get a positive judgment. If not then, we'll have to wait til October and get a new court date. There is a backlog of folks waiting for judgments of around 20+ folks. (for our agency alone)

Surprisingly, I'm not terribly stressed about this. In the whole scheme of things, what can you really do? It'll happen when it is supposed to happen. We've been through worse. Let's see, in the middle of our last adoption, the agency announced they were going out of business. They did 'finish' all in-progress adoptions. It was just a bit tedious to say the least. Then of course, who can forget Sawyer's story. Being told your son will not live to see his first birthday makes this little 'frustration' seem, just that, little. Both Ansley's adoption story and Sawyer's health scare had happy endings. This story will too.

To be continued......

Looking for a Good Cause?

Here's one that might interest you. Grace is looking to raise $300 to aid the Ethiopian hunger crisis. Can you help?

http://allthesereasons.blogspot.com/2008/07/300.html

Dream

So, the stress of the 'situation' is getting to me. Last night, I had a dream. One of those dreams that kept going and going and going. One of those dreams where you are actually glad when the alarm goes off.

I was dreaming that we were heading on 'vacation'. Due to a comedy of a errors, we just could not make it to the plane. We made it to the airport with our bags (the ones carrying humanitarian aid, army duffel bag and all) but had to leave to take care of something. We missed our flight. In fact, the whole dream we never made it back to the airport.

*heavy sigh*

Update on our Little Guy

“M is my new best friend! Actually everybody’s new best friend! Once M gets some room to spread his wings, he is really going to fly! He is walking very well and it is hard to get a word in with him in the room! M is one big smile after another and is not afraid of the limelight; dancing and entertaining on cue! M also enjoys a good tickle and is just an all around happy kid! "

We Have A Court Date

This is a Good Thing. The date is July 10th. It's the first step to bringing our little guy home. At this point, (Unless something big happens) we expect the judgment to be postponed. That is what is happening right now with all the cases. Nothing has changed in the situation over there but having a court date is a step in the right direction.

Meanwhile, we're being told courts close August 8th. (Some agencies are saying August 6th) So we're going to need some big things to happen in order to get a positive judgment before then. *fingers crossed*

Snaffoo

Well...I've said it before and I say it now. Adoption is not for sissies. Nothing goes the way you expect. Nothing. Something will ALWAYS come up. So it has, we've hit our 'roadblock'. That said, we are NOT expecting to make it through courts before they close in August. *sigh*

Such is life. We will survive. Our family will be complete when it is time for our family to be together. October? November? December? January?

Nesting!!!

Do the math. 3 boys and 1 girl in a 3 bedroom house. We've got to purge, big time!

Step 1: Move toys to the basement that Things 1,2 and 3 have outgrown. See where #4 is developmentally and decide whether to purge or save. In progress.

Step 2: Clean out closets. Ummm....well.....soon. (Gotta find a place for the 'stuff')

Step 3: Move DH office to basement and reclaim my dining room. Yeah, right. That's going to happen right after we clean out those closets!

Perhaps, it would be easier if we just added a new wing to the house!

Our Ethiopia Support System

We met up with our local Ethiopia adoption group this weekend. What a fun time. We have a large group, so it's hard to visit with everyone. We gave it our best shot though. I never got a good count, nor did I get a group picture but I'm guessing there were at least 10-15 families represented. It is so nice to have that group. There were families at all different stages of their adoption and with many different agencies. It's great to share and visit with all the families and their children.

On the adoption front, we are hoping to hear when our court date will be 'soon'. This week? Next week? Not sure....just 'soon'.

Emma's Surgery

If you click on the box on the right, you can follow along as Emma has her tonsils removed today. This is the first step to getting Emma's heart repaired. While most children have a T&A without incident, this is a dangerous surgery for Emma. So please keep her in your thoughts today.

Update

We got an update on our little guy today. He's added another tooth! The update said he's "....fun, fun, fun and even a little bit silly" Ahhh...he'll fit right in.

What next?

It's been 2 weeks since we received our referral. (seems like we've known him forever)

What are the next steps? Well, we are waiting for our agency's in-country staff to finalize the paperwork and submit it to the courts. This step, on average, takes about 4-8 weeks with the court date being about 3 weeks after that. So, you do the math. We have a slim chance of making it through courts before they close in August for 2 months. *sigh*

If we make it through with a positive judgment, Randy will travel probably in August or September.

If we don't, then we have to wait until the courts open back up in October and apply for a new court date. (Along with the many folks who completed their referral and paperwork while the courts were closed.) This would most likely put Randy traveling November or December. (maybe later, worst case scenario)

So, for now, we wait. Have you noticed a pattern yet. The hurry up and wait pattern. Such is the cycle of international adoption.

Thanks Guys

We have such a wonderful group of friends. They have been our friends forever. (which isn't that long since we were mere babies when we met, right?) They helped us during the trying time of having Sawyer in the hospital. They have supported us in both adoptions, writing letters of reference, asking good questions (yet not questioning, if you know what I mean), and in general just being there in our crazy world. They are a wonderful group of people and we're proud to call them friends. Today, they met us for lunch at our favorite Ethiopian restaurant. Why is this so important? They don't like Ethiopian food! (That's Okay, I like it enough for everyone) They did it because we haven't seen each other in a while and they just wanted to reconnect. So to our friends, Thank You. Thank you for being our friends and for staying connected. Thank you for suffering through really bad service and food that is not your 'cup of tea'. Enjoy your summer travels and hopefully in the fall, we'll get together again and you can meet #4! (Hopefully by then, we'll have a name picked out too)

Reece's Rainbow

I've added a video to the blog for the time being. (can't figure out how to make it part of the post,so it may change from time to time) For those who don't know, we have son who was born with Down Syndrome. He is a very special and wonderful little guy. Reece's Rainbow is very special to us because it addresses two things that are VERY important to our family, adoption and Down Syndrome. So take a look at the video. The children in this video are lucky. They have found their forever families! Many more still wait. Maybe you can help, check out the website: www.reecesrainbow.com and see what it is all about.

The Call!!!!

We got it!!!! We got the call. I was sitting in the cabin on top of Old Smoky. My cell phone rang. Now to get my phone to ring was a miracle since reception up there was sporadic at best. I answer and hear Mary's voice. At that point, I'm quite confused as I was not expecting her call. She says something like, "Whatever you are thinking, it's probably right" Then the phone call drops. OMG. So I run out of the cabin to the top of the hill and try to return her call. It's UNKNOWN. So I cannot call her back. I try to call Randy. He doesn't answer. (He and Judson were hiking with my cousin at the time) So I start pacing. Then Mary calls back. She tells me about our little guy. He's 12 months old and is pretty healthy. (he's currently being treated for gastroenteritis) He's 28 inches tall and 20 pounds.

We have some VERY CUTE pictures to share. However, the rules prevent me from posting them until we are legally declared his parents. BUT, if you happen to wander by our house or run into us, ask to see the pictures. We'll be happy to share.

More details as they become available. Now we keep our fingers crossed that we can make it through the courts before they close for rainy season. Not sure that will happen though. It's taking on average about 8 weeks to get a court date and based on the FBI list, only about 50 % of the cases make it through the first time. So, keep us in your thoughts that all will go well and our little guy can come home soon.

Sun and Fun

Yippee. We're heading out for some much anticipated family vacation time. No phone (thanks T-Mobile for not working in our mountain get-away) and no computers. So for all those stalking our blog, we're on hiatus starting Sunday. Nothing to see here!

Best of luck to all of those families who have court dates next week. Here's hoping for a 100% sweep. For those at the top of the FBI list, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you get The Call while we are away. And for those like us who are not quite at the point of getting The Call, here's to keeping our hopes high and our patience even higher.

For Grace and Meredith, here's hoping you move to the next level of delirium while I"m gone. The "I got THE CALL and now I want my COURT DATE" phase of delirium!

Blah, Blah, Blah

Two months and Two weeks. That's where we are. Not quite in "THE WINDOW". So, we can't really get excited. It's very BLAH. It's the point where your head says, 'You will get a referral soon' (relatively speaking) but your heart still has doubts. So we wait.

No real movement on the F.B.I. list either.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Grief and Loss

One of the things we are doing while waiting is fulfilling our education requirements. The last video I watched was on Grief and Loss. It talked about the many stages of grief we go through when we lose something or someone so close to us. (sadness, anger, denial, etc) I couldn't help but to think back to when we received Ansley's referral. (That was about 2.5 years ago) The thing that struck me most was her eyes. In my whole life, I do not believe I have ever seen so much sadness in such a tiny child. It broke my heart to look into those eyes. It was a sadness that went down deep into her soul. Then we brought her home. I saw less of the sadness and more of the anger. Her eyes shielded her soul. There was a wall that would not allow sadness to enter. There was a VERY angry and confused little girl. She would bite her siblings. (Probably more because of frustration at the language barrier) She would scream very loudly. She would kick and strike out at you if you picked her up. (not always, but significantly more than my other 2 children) I remember walking into the bedroom where she and my son had been playing. Apparently, she had bitten him one too many times. He was hitting her HARD. He was very angry with her. What broke my heart was the look in her eyes. She just glared at him. She was not crying (and I know he was hitting her hard enough to hurt her). She had a look of defiance. It was a look of "if you think that hurts, you don't know what pain really is. You can NEVER hurt me." Finally, we had a break through moment. One night when Randy had picked up Ansley, she went into her screaming rage. She was kicking and hitting him with little balled up fists. I kept telling him, "Don't put her down" She did this for what seemed like an eternity. The whole time, Randy kept holding her. Finally, I walked over. I sandwiched her between me and Randy just as tight as I could. She went limp. She was totally spent, not an ounce of energy left. She fell asleep and he held her. I think that was the first of many turning points for her and us.

So, I've seen the sadness and I've seen the anger. Are we through with sadness and anger? Probably not. I'm sure as she gains more understanding, we'll revisit these feelings. I'm sure we'll hit upon denial also. It makes me sad that she had to go through what she went through. It also makes me happy that she is My Little Girl. As with all my children, I wish I could shield her from those feelings. I cannot. All I can tell you is she is a happy child most of the time, now. She does have those hormonal, teenage moments which scare me, as she is only 3. She has a survival mentality that helps most times but sometimes gets in the way.

Here she is talking about her 'family'


And this is why we are doing it again. She is such a blessing to our family. We are so lucky to have her in our family and look forward to #4 joining us.

Eating Out (x-post)

We went to my new favorite restaurant last night, Meskerem. Who'd of thunk my family would be loving Ethiopian food? I mean, if you know my kids, you know what a picky crew they are. If we go to our favorite Chinese restaurant, Ansley eats steamed rice and that is it. The boys eat nothing. If we go eat at our favorite Mexican restaurant, they will eat chips and Ansley eats the tortillas. If the restaurant doesn't have french fries, my crew won't usually eat. So what's up with this restaurant? I don't know but if anyone has a recipe of injera (that doesn't take 5 pounds of teff flour and 3 days to make), send it my way please. I think it has to do with the novelty of the injera AND the pleasure of not having to use utensils!Sawyer ate his weight in yellow split peas. Ansley concentrated on the injera. (which is best described as a sour dough crepe) AND Judson (the pickiest eater this side of the Mississippi) tried Lettuce, Tomatoes, Green Beans and Carrots. Oh yes he did! I was almost giddy when Judson started trying the food. He didn't consume a lot but he tried it all and said he liked it.Now Momma, she likes the veggie platter, with collard greens, split peas, cabbage, green beans. While Daddy, he likes the zil zil tibs. Oh yeah, we loved it! Who knows, I may get brave enough to take them to the vegetarian Indian restaurant just down the street. Gotta love living in a metropolitan area with such diversity!

Another Week Over

It was a great week for our agency families. Many, many received their referrals. In fact, almost all of the families who went on the wait list in January, rec'd a referral. (let me clarify, this would be those on the F.B.I. list. I don't have access to ALL the families waiting for referrals) That's exciting. We were all on pins and needles each day to see if anyone else received a referral. Of course, the last 2 days were anti-climatic because no referrals were given.

What does that mean for us? Hard to predict. If I were a betting person, I'd bet that we don't receive our referral until June. Not bad. That would still put us traveling in November/December.

So here's to an exciting week. Looking forward to a busy weekend.

Pic

For those who do not follow our family blog, I thought I'd post a picture of our children. This was at Christmas. We are excited about adding #4. By the way, that is what we are calling him, "#4". We have several names but just can't seem to decide upon one. We are desperately hoping that when we see his picture, we'll have an epiphany and we'll just know what his name should be. Going through life as "4 of 4" just doesn't seem right.

NOthing to REport

Coming up on 2 months waiting. Feeling good about it. Right after we went on the waiting list, there were 2 referrals on the F.B.I. list that got us excited. Both were for 14 month old boys. HELLO... One family rec'd their referral for a 14 month old boy after about on 6 weeks on the wait list. That family also got a quick court date and passed on the 1st time. THe other family is STILL waiting on a court date. Just to give you perspective, yet another family (Referred a boy of about 5 months old) is on their 5th court date. This is NOT an exact science. There is really no predicting. That said, the F.B.I. list is slowly moving along. There are still 4 families ahead of us with similar requests as ours. Two requesting boy/either gender 1-3 years old and 2 requesting boys, 0-18 months/12-20 months.

So we wait. The chances are SLIM (almost non-existent) that we'd get a referral and court date before the courts close. What does that mean? It means, when the courts open in October, they will try to get through all the back log of cases that were not completed before they closed. (Last year, that took about 4-6 weeks) THEN , they look on new cases. That means most likely, our case wouldn't be heard until November, possibly even December. Which also means, travel wouldn't be til December (if we're extremely lucky). THere is a bright spot, possibly. The Ethiopian in-country representative said dossier documents are good for 2 years in Ethiopia. That could be great, since our documents reach the 1 year mark in late October/early November. We are waiting to see if our agency will make us re-do any paperwork at that point. They are checking to see what the Hague requirements are.

We started our journey in October 2007. We hope to complete this leg of the journey in November 2008. (fingers crossed) For those familiar with the international adoption world, that a quick adoption these days.

Look at that Ticker!

Inching ever so close to THE WINDOW. That is the time when most referrals are handed out. In our case with our agency, THE WINDOW is the time 3 to 5 months from being placed on THE WAIT LIST. Still not much movement on F.B.I. list though. That stresses me just a teeny weeny bit. Oh who am I kidding, it's driving me NUTS. How can we make THE WINDOW if these folks aren't moving along? Everyone, whom I've met via their blog, seems so nice and patient. Some are inching out on the other side of THE WINDOW without a referral. That makes me sad for them. Such is the world of adoption, an emotional roller coaster.

If you read the news lately, you saw where Vietnam adoptions are closing, again. They are accused of 'selling babies'. Agencies are accused of bribing orphanages for '1st dibs' on young infants. It is horrible. It is also an unfortunate reality in the adoption world. Potential adoptive parents/adoptive parents MUST be diligent in researching their agencies. They MUST make sure their agencies are above reproach. They cannot choose agencies just because the agency promises a quick referral. By putting pressure on agencies to get a quick referral, we put children at risk. (Of being torn from their families) We as PAP/AP must require our agency to be honest and ethical.

So while I stress about missing THE WINDOW(and we're 1 month away from entering THE WINDOW), I am thankful for my agency. I am thankful they are making sure my child is truly an orphan and in need of a home. (Which may require a lot of leg work and time to ensure that this is true) I am thankful they are working to help the MILLIONS of children who will NOT be adopted to have a better life.

So I will wait and take comfort in the fact that when my son becomes MY SON, it will have been done legally and ethically. And while his story maybe a sad one, it will have a happy new beginning with no shadows of impropriety. Why? Because we worried and we fretted and we asked and we researched and asked some more and researched some more. We tried our very best to choose and agency that was ethical. From all accounts, we chose a great agency. We will keep faith that we did our homework and all will go smoothly. *fingers crossed* (Just for good measure) No agency is perfect but I do believe our agency is a hard working, ethical agency. It's all we can ask for.

Interesting Take on Color

Yesterday, I was at the park with my children. A lady sat down beside me and we started to talk. This lady is from India. (She actually lives very close to me) She was there with her nephew. We began speaking about adoption. (Which is a subject that comes up often) She is 47 and her children are now out of the house in college. She wants to adopt a 5 or 6 year old child.

I told her we were adopting from Ethiopia. She was shocked. Her questions were very thoughtful and honest. She wanted to know how we would handle the race issues that would inevitably arise. In her experience, skin color was a very important factor. She said she'd probably adopt domestically and wanted a child with similar skin color as she had. She didn't think a white child or a child of African heritage would fit into her world, nor would they be accepted. She thought a child of Spanish heritage would be okay because their skin color was similar to Indian skin color. So I answered her questions and we had a nice conversation. I also gave her some sites to start her search into adoption.

Another interesting tidbit was her view on adoption from India. I asked her if she'd investigated India as a possibility for adoption. Since she is Indian, she would be given preference over a non-Indian family. She said that the Indian government would NOT allow her to adopt from India because her husband is from Pakistan.

Just a different (yet same) perspective on color.

FAQ #5: Aren't you Afraid of AIDS?

Yes....that is a question/statement/reaction that seems to come up often. There are many children orphaned by AIDS in Africa, it is true. Not all children, who are orphans, have AIDS. Perhaps, one or both parents may have died from AIDS (perhaps not). AIDS is NOT automatically transmitted at birth from mother to child. Children born to mothers who have HIV/AIDS and have nursed are at a higher risk of contracting the virus. However, it is NOT transmitted 100% of the time.

Did we request an HIV+ child? No. Is it possible that our child could have AIDS? That's always possible but is NOT probable. Many more people are adopting children who are HIV+. With the treatments available in this country, children who are HIV+ can live long, productive lives. We did not request a child who is HIV+ because with our current insurance, the reality is, we'd have a hard time financially paying for the medications, etc.

So, we requested 1 Rapid Test and 2 PCR tests to determine if our child is or is not HIV+. Can those tests be wrong? Sure but not likely.

Bottom line: With children who come to you via adoption as with children born from your very own belly, you have no guarantees. You cannot predict whether you child will have asthma or be diagnosed with autism or have an IQ of 100 or 150. You can not predict whether they will be a piano virtuoso or an Olympic gold medalist. All you can do is love them for who they are. That's what we try to do with all of our 'current' children and what we will do with our son from Ethiopia.

Gotta Luv Corporate America

My husband's employer just announced a work force cutback. This happened as we were going through our last adoption, too. Nothing like a little stress to add to your STRESS. Oh well, fingers crossed. What else can you do?

Emma's Post

I have posted Emma's Link on my family blog but thought I'd post it here too. Emma's story is one of Hope. She needs your prayers/good thoughts/Good Karma. Emma is 5 years old. Until this year, she was living in an orphanage in Ukraine. Her Mommy and Daddy brought her home just a few weeks ago. Emma has a heart defect (much like my son's). In the states, it would have been corrected at birth. However, hers has not been corrected. Due to this, the body has compensated and caused issues that may prevent the doctors from correcting the heart condition. This will GREATLY shorten little Emma's life. Emma has defied the odds thus far. Her parents are praying for a miracle and ask that everyone else keep Emma in their prayers. This family is inspirational! Take a look at their blog by clicking on Emma's picture.

Another Week

So the weeks keep 'flying' by. Not much new to report. Several families had court dates over the past few days. Very few passed court. That is EXTREMELY frustrating/disappointing for them but it is part of the process. When we were adopting Ansley from Taiwan, we actually were in the courts for 6 months. It's a very stressful time when there is a judge deciding your fate and the fate of your family and the fate of a child you hope to make your own. Hopefully, all will make it through soon and be united with their children.

As far as I can tell (by looking at the F.B.I. list), no new referrals have been made in a few weeks. I know we all are sitting on pins and needles waiting for the next 'wave' of referrals. In our case, we don't expect a referral but it means things are moving in that direction. Plus, as you begin to read other's blogs and learn more about them, you start really feeling a part of their process and are cheering them on and hoping they get that 'call' as soon as possible.

So, here's to more 'positive' court processes and more referrals. Until next week.....

Forensic Blogging

One of the ladies who is adopting from the same agency we are using, started a FBI list. What is a FBI list? Forensic Blogging Initiative. She is keeping up with all 'known' families adopting from our agency. It contains their family 'code' name, their blog (if available), their wait list date, the age/gender of child(ren) they are requesting, referral date, court date(s), Embassy date, and maybe some other things. So everyday, we all check out her FBI list to see where we stand on the wait as well as supporting other families, many of whom have been waiting for so long. The family that has been on the list the longest has been on there since Sept 20th, 2007. OUCH! They are waiting for a sibling group. There are about 5 families ahead of us (remember, this is "KNOWN" families, meaning, families who have found out about the list and asked to be put on. There could be more 'unknown') requesting a child (age/gender) that fall into the same category as we are requesting. *sigh* So many more weeks of waiting ahead of us but HEY, check out the ticker at the top. We've got a few weeks under out belt and that feels pretty good.

FAQ #4: What about the kids?

What kids?

Oh, our kids!!!!

What about 'em?

Not trying to be flip or anything. It's just that if people knew us, they would know how much thought we put into adoption and how it would affect our current family. Everything has gone through our minds in regards to our children.

With Sawyer, he is small for his age and his needs are great. Will we be able to give him all he needs to reach his potential? (with 4 children in the home) It a question we are constantly asking. Our answer is 'YES' we think we can. One of the reasons we chose a young child was with him in mind. A larger/older child could physically take advantage of him. We don't presume that every larger child we might bring into this family would take advantage of him. However, we do realize that older children may have issues that would cause them to act out and hurt a younger/smaller child. Choosing a younger child will help us mitigate the potential problems. As for Sawyer and his personality, we think he will be very welcoming to another child.

With Ansley, there were issues we considered. She has doubts sometimes of her status in this family. Would she be okay with another child or would she feel threatened? Would her status as "The Little Princess" be shattered? That is one of the biggest reasons for us choosing a little boy. We think Ansley will be more accepting of a boy, rather than a girl as she will not feel as threatened. Of all our children, we feel she will have the hardest time adjusting.

With Judson, there were other issues we considered. Judson is a very special child. Again, we realize his needs are great. (Not in the same ways as Sawyer's but no less great) Yet, we feel that we can meet his needs and we also feel another child will be a positive influence in Judson's development. Judson also has a heart for adoption. Let me tell you 2 stories about Judson. Story One: Every time we go out (Just Me and Judson), I try to mention how special it is for he and I to be out alone. I tell him how much I enjoy being with him, etc. Almost every time, he will agree but he will say "You know, I love it too but I really like it when we all go out as a family" I tell you this for you to know, yes we realize that he needs 'his time' but understand that he REALLY enjoys his family. (Although, he is at the stage he thinks his sister is 'weird' and most likely ALL 3 year old girls are weird.) Story Two: He has asked me more than once, why are we adopting a boy. We should really adopt a girl. Then Ansley would have someone to play with, since I (Judson) have Sawyer. So one time, I told him: "most people adopting, adopt little girls. We thought it would be better to adopt a little boy because if we didn't, there'd be a little boy that might not have a family." He thought on this for a moment and said, "But if we don't adopt a little girl, there'll be a little girl that doesn't have family" He is right. In the world of adoption, there are always children left behind who will not find a family. He has such a wonderful heart.

The one thing we learned the first time around (oh heck, with each child we've re-learned this lesson) is NOTHING will go as you planned. When we prepared for Ansley's adoption, we moved Judson out of 'his' room and created a bigger room for he and Sawyer. We changed the smaller bedroom, into Ansley's room. Well, Ansley and Judson sleep in a bedroom together and Sawyer has his 'own' bedroom. This time around, we aren't even making any plans in that area. Maybe #4 will sleep in the room with Sawyer or maybe with Ansley and Judson or maybe in Mom and Dad's room. Whatever..... When Sawyer was in utero, we 'planned' for Down Syndrome (learning all about early intervention programs, etc) and heart defects. NOTHING prepared us for the life-threatening lung issues he had. The point is: You can plan and read and expect certain things to happen. The reality will most always be different than what you plan. So, while we've tried to think/prepare ourselves and our children for a new addition to our family, we fully expect that things will go differently than expected. We have no idea what/who will be different but we totally expect it to be different than what we've thought and prepared. That's just life, isn't it? You can plan and prepare but the reality requires you to also be flexible and to adapt.

Almost 1 Month

I know, I know. You never thought I'd make it 1 month without cracking. You were wrong! I think I'll be good through April. Come May, I'll start stressing. Just think, if the 3-5 month wait for referral is correct, we're either 1/3 or 1/4 or 1/5 of the way there. (Then we would start the next wait phase, but I shant go there yet) Yippee....

This weekend, Randy and his dad put in the 3rd row seat in my car. So bring on baby #4, we now have room to put him in the car. Prior to that, we were door-to-door car seats in the back seat. Check one nesting item off the list. We're moving right along. I now have to get a smaller double stroller since the old one is too honking big to fit now that we have the 3rd row seat.

In the month of March, I also got my 1st Hep A shot. (It's a 2 shot series) The kids had their first shot in January. This is the only shot the 4 of us will have to have, since we are not traveling. Randy has yet to get his first round of shots. He's ahead of the game since he did have some of the shots prior to traveling to Taiwan but there are many he will need to get prior to traveling to Ethiopia.

We continue to enjoy life as a family of 5 while looking forward to spending life as a family of 6!

Parents, teach your children well

We had a most wonderful time over the Easter holiday. We traveled to Tennessee to visit with my family. Such an awesome time. Cannot say enough about it. I hope to upload pictures soon on our family blog, so stay tuned for that. As for this blog and this post, let me just say, there was one incident that just reinforced what we already knew we would face.

We stopped at a small town McD's on the way up to allow the kids time to stretch and play on the play ground. While there, we encountered The Bully Family. I call them that because I never got their 'real' name but Bully is a fitting name. There were two children accompanied by an adult I presume to be their mother. The boy was maybe 5 or 6 but was rather large. I would guesstimate he weighed in at 70ish pounds. The girl was close in age but more 'appropriately' sized. The girl was quite taken by my daughter's hair. My daughter, Ansley, is from Taiwan and has silky, straight black hair. She touched my daughter's hair a LOT. The boy gathered the other children and told them they were playing pirates. As they were playing, he decided Sawyer was the enemy and they needed to run from him. I suspected there was a smidge of ignorance/prejudice associated with this declaration but I overlooked it as Sawyer was oblivious and was happy to be on the play equipment. During this time, the little girl tried to keep Sawyer from getting on the equipment. I stepped in and told her to move because my son WAS playing on this equipment. This girl also tried to stop Ansley from playing on a piece of equipment. Now, I don't worry about Ansley. She can take care of herself. She threw her shoulders back and bowed up at Bully Girl and was ready to take her on. Randy stepped in and suggested Ansley go play on something else and thus averted a confrontation that I feel certain Ansley could have handled.

Back to Bully boy. As we were gathering the children to go, Sawyer was up at the top of the equipment. The boy saw Sawyer and ran up the steps. He came up to Sawyer and said, " What are you doing here CREEP". At that point, I stepped in and told him to stop. He then started jumping up and down trying to make Sawyer lose his balance. Sawyer kept moving towards the slide. When he got there, Bully said, "Push him down the slide". At that point, Randy said, "Don't you push him down the slide!" Now the next thing that happened warms my heart. Ansley stepped in between Sawyer and Bully to prevent Bully from hurting Sawyer. Since my kids have a Love/Hate relationship, I was happy to see that. Anyway, Sawyer slid down the slide and we proceeded to pack up and get them to the car.

It makes me sad that someone picked on my child. But it makes me ANGRY that the mother never said ONE word during this whole ordeal. NOTHING. Now whether Bully learned this behavior at home or school is up for debate. The fact that the mother said nothing told me (And more importantly Bully) that she condoned that behavior. Bully will continue to act this way. (at least until he meets a bigger bully)

Now we knew when Sawyer was born with Down Syndrome, he'd face these kinds of prejudices. (We had hoped it wouldn't be at the age of 3!) We knew when we adopted Ansley, she'd face prejudices. And we understand when our son comes home from Ethiopia, that he, too, will face prejudices. Our task is obvious (and has been. This just brought it home) We must learn how to handle situations like this and be able to teach our children how to handle them. Because in the end, they will face them many times when we are not there to protect them. We have to give them strength and confidence and the ability to handle the situation appropriately.

So my point is, Parents MUST teach their children NOT to be afraid of differences. They MUST teach them to judge people on the content of their character,not by their outward characteristics that make them different or alike. They must teach them to appreciate the differences and not be afraid of them. There is no excuse for prejudice/hatred.

FAQ #3: Why? Ethiopia?

Another frequently asked question is: Why Ethiopia? If you have never been 'drawn' to adoption, you'll never understand this explanation. If you are in the adoption world, it will make total sense.

There is a practical side to choosing a country from which you will adopt. You DO have to meet their criteria. All countries have some sort of criteria that potential adoptive parents must meet. Age, marriage status, etc. Therefore, when you are choosing a country, first and foremost, you have to be able to meet that country's criteria and the country has to meet your criteria for the child you are looking. The other practical side is What are the most common issues seen in children from the country? Can you handle those potential issues? Not that every child coming from that country will have these issues but the chances are greater that these issues will be seen in children from that country.

Beyond that, once you start researching countries, you begin to be drawn to one country over another. Maybe it's because you speak with people who've adopted from that country. Maybe it's because you've read stories about that country. Maybe it's because you see pictures of children from that country and are just drawn to those pictures. Maybe it's something else. Whatever it is, there is a definite 'pull' towards one country over another country. I think also during this time, your preconceived notions of what life is like in the country you are researching or what the people are like or why the children might be available for adoption, are shattered. Things you thought were true are not necessarily true and you begin to see that country in a different light from which you previously examined it.

At the time we were adopting Ansley, the pull was Taiwan over Guatemala or China. I remember talking to our agency rep at the time and asking, how do we know whether China or Taiwan or Guatemala is for us. She said, you'll know. Once you start researching and really looking at the country and requirements and the children, you'll know. She was right. This time, it was Ethiopia over a waiting child in China. It was a tough call but I feel like we made the right decision for us. Everyone who has or is adopting from Ethiopia has read Melissa Fay Greene's book, There is No Me Without You. She also has a website: http://www.thereisnomewithoutyou.com/ . If you check out this site, you might see why someone would be drawn to Ethiopia. Maybe you won't. Like I said, it's something that only someone who has been drawn to adoption can truly understand. Many people don't understand 'adoption' and therefore, won't understand a feeling that your child is waiting for you in a specific country. That is the feeling we had. We just KNEW our child was waiting for us in Ethiopia. It's a feeling that cannot be shaken. We knew there was a little boy out there somewhere who was waiting for us. That feeling led us to Ethiopia. It's not a hard science but rather a 'feeling'. Not emotion really, more like a gut instinct.