FAQ #4: What about the kids?

What kids?

Oh, our kids!!!!

What about 'em?

Not trying to be flip or anything. It's just that if people knew us, they would know how much thought we put into adoption and how it would affect our current family. Everything has gone through our minds in regards to our children.

With Sawyer, he is small for his age and his needs are great. Will we be able to give him all he needs to reach his potential? (with 4 children in the home) It a question we are constantly asking. Our answer is 'YES' we think we can. One of the reasons we chose a young child was with him in mind. A larger/older child could physically take advantage of him. We don't presume that every larger child we might bring into this family would take advantage of him. However, we do realize that older children may have issues that would cause them to act out and hurt a younger/smaller child. Choosing a younger child will help us mitigate the potential problems. As for Sawyer and his personality, we think he will be very welcoming to another child.

With Ansley, there were issues we considered. She has doubts sometimes of her status in this family. Would she be okay with another child or would she feel threatened? Would her status as "The Little Princess" be shattered? That is one of the biggest reasons for us choosing a little boy. We think Ansley will be more accepting of a boy, rather than a girl as she will not feel as threatened. Of all our children, we feel she will have the hardest time adjusting.

With Judson, there were other issues we considered. Judson is a very special child. Again, we realize his needs are great. (Not in the same ways as Sawyer's but no less great) Yet, we feel that we can meet his needs and we also feel another child will be a positive influence in Judson's development. Judson also has a heart for adoption. Let me tell you 2 stories about Judson. Story One: Every time we go out (Just Me and Judson), I try to mention how special it is for he and I to be out alone. I tell him how much I enjoy being with him, etc. Almost every time, he will agree but he will say "You know, I love it too but I really like it when we all go out as a family" I tell you this for you to know, yes we realize that he needs 'his time' but understand that he REALLY enjoys his family. (Although, he is at the stage he thinks his sister is 'weird' and most likely ALL 3 year old girls are weird.) Story Two: He has asked me more than once, why are we adopting a boy. We should really adopt a girl. Then Ansley would have someone to play with, since I (Judson) have Sawyer. So one time, I told him: "most people adopting, adopt little girls. We thought it would be better to adopt a little boy because if we didn't, there'd be a little boy that might not have a family." He thought on this for a moment and said, "But if we don't adopt a little girl, there'll be a little girl that doesn't have family" He is right. In the world of adoption, there are always children left behind who will not find a family. He has such a wonderful heart.

The one thing we learned the first time around (oh heck, with each child we've re-learned this lesson) is NOTHING will go as you planned. When we prepared for Ansley's adoption, we moved Judson out of 'his' room and created a bigger room for he and Sawyer. We changed the smaller bedroom, into Ansley's room. Well, Ansley and Judson sleep in a bedroom together and Sawyer has his 'own' bedroom. This time around, we aren't even making any plans in that area. Maybe #4 will sleep in the room with Sawyer or maybe with Ansley and Judson or maybe in Mom and Dad's room. Whatever..... When Sawyer was in utero, we 'planned' for Down Syndrome (learning all about early intervention programs, etc) and heart defects. NOTHING prepared us for the life-threatening lung issues he had. The point is: You can plan and read and expect certain things to happen. The reality will most always be different than what you plan. So, while we've tried to think/prepare ourselves and our children for a new addition to our family, we fully expect that things will go differently than expected. We have no idea what/who will be different but we totally expect it to be different than what we've thought and prepared. That's just life, isn't it? You can plan and prepare but the reality requires you to also be flexible and to adapt.