Look at that Ticker!

Inching ever so close to THE WINDOW. That is the time when most referrals are handed out. In our case with our agency, THE WINDOW is the time 3 to 5 months from being placed on THE WAIT LIST. Still not much movement on F.B.I. list though. That stresses me just a teeny weeny bit. Oh who am I kidding, it's driving me NUTS. How can we make THE WINDOW if these folks aren't moving along? Everyone, whom I've met via their blog, seems so nice and patient. Some are inching out on the other side of THE WINDOW without a referral. That makes me sad for them. Such is the world of adoption, an emotional roller coaster.

If you read the news lately, you saw where Vietnam adoptions are closing, again. They are accused of 'selling babies'. Agencies are accused of bribing orphanages for '1st dibs' on young infants. It is horrible. It is also an unfortunate reality in the adoption world. Potential adoptive parents/adoptive parents MUST be diligent in researching their agencies. They MUST make sure their agencies are above reproach. They cannot choose agencies just because the agency promises a quick referral. By putting pressure on agencies to get a quick referral, we put children at risk. (Of being torn from their families) We as PAP/AP must require our agency to be honest and ethical.

So while I stress about missing THE WINDOW(and we're 1 month away from entering THE WINDOW), I am thankful for my agency. I am thankful they are making sure my child is truly an orphan and in need of a home. (Which may require a lot of leg work and time to ensure that this is true) I am thankful they are working to help the MILLIONS of children who will NOT be adopted to have a better life.

So I will wait and take comfort in the fact that when my son becomes MY SON, it will have been done legally and ethically. And while his story maybe a sad one, it will have a happy new beginning with no shadows of impropriety. Why? Because we worried and we fretted and we asked and we researched and asked some more and researched some more. We tried our very best to choose and agency that was ethical. From all accounts, we chose a great agency. We will keep faith that we did our homework and all will go smoothly. *fingers crossed* (Just for good measure) No agency is perfect but I do believe our agency is a hard working, ethical agency. It's all we can ask for.

Interesting Take on Color

Yesterday, I was at the park with my children. A lady sat down beside me and we started to talk. This lady is from India. (She actually lives very close to me) She was there with her nephew. We began speaking about adoption. (Which is a subject that comes up often) She is 47 and her children are now out of the house in college. She wants to adopt a 5 or 6 year old child.

I told her we were adopting from Ethiopia. She was shocked. Her questions were very thoughtful and honest. She wanted to know how we would handle the race issues that would inevitably arise. In her experience, skin color was a very important factor. She said she'd probably adopt domestically and wanted a child with similar skin color as she had. She didn't think a white child or a child of African heritage would fit into her world, nor would they be accepted. She thought a child of Spanish heritage would be okay because their skin color was similar to Indian skin color. So I answered her questions and we had a nice conversation. I also gave her some sites to start her search into adoption.

Another interesting tidbit was her view on adoption from India. I asked her if she'd investigated India as a possibility for adoption. Since she is Indian, she would be given preference over a non-Indian family. She said that the Indian government would NOT allow her to adopt from India because her husband is from Pakistan.

Just a different (yet same) perspective on color.

FAQ #5: Aren't you Afraid of AIDS?

Yes....that is a question/statement/reaction that seems to come up often. There are many children orphaned by AIDS in Africa, it is true. Not all children, who are orphans, have AIDS. Perhaps, one or both parents may have died from AIDS (perhaps not). AIDS is NOT automatically transmitted at birth from mother to child. Children born to mothers who have HIV/AIDS and have nursed are at a higher risk of contracting the virus. However, it is NOT transmitted 100% of the time.

Did we request an HIV+ child? No. Is it possible that our child could have AIDS? That's always possible but is NOT probable. Many more people are adopting children who are HIV+. With the treatments available in this country, children who are HIV+ can live long, productive lives. We did not request a child who is HIV+ because with our current insurance, the reality is, we'd have a hard time financially paying for the medications, etc.

So, we requested 1 Rapid Test and 2 PCR tests to determine if our child is or is not HIV+. Can those tests be wrong? Sure but not likely.

Bottom line: With children who come to you via adoption as with children born from your very own belly, you have no guarantees. You cannot predict whether you child will have asthma or be diagnosed with autism or have an IQ of 100 or 150. You can not predict whether they will be a piano virtuoso or an Olympic gold medalist. All you can do is love them for who they are. That's what we try to do with all of our 'current' children and what we will do with our son from Ethiopia.

Gotta Luv Corporate America

My husband's employer just announced a work force cutback. This happened as we were going through our last adoption, too. Nothing like a little stress to add to your STRESS. Oh well, fingers crossed. What else can you do?

Emma's Post

I have posted Emma's Link on my family blog but thought I'd post it here too. Emma's story is one of Hope. She needs your prayers/good thoughts/Good Karma. Emma is 5 years old. Until this year, she was living in an orphanage in Ukraine. Her Mommy and Daddy brought her home just a few weeks ago. Emma has a heart defect (much like my son's). In the states, it would have been corrected at birth. However, hers has not been corrected. Due to this, the body has compensated and caused issues that may prevent the doctors from correcting the heart condition. This will GREATLY shorten little Emma's life. Emma has defied the odds thus far. Her parents are praying for a miracle and ask that everyone else keep Emma in their prayers. This family is inspirational! Take a look at their blog by clicking on Emma's picture.

Another Week

So the weeks keep 'flying' by. Not much new to report. Several families had court dates over the past few days. Very few passed court. That is EXTREMELY frustrating/disappointing for them but it is part of the process. When we were adopting Ansley from Taiwan, we actually were in the courts for 6 months. It's a very stressful time when there is a judge deciding your fate and the fate of your family and the fate of a child you hope to make your own. Hopefully, all will make it through soon and be united with their children.

As far as I can tell (by looking at the F.B.I. list), no new referrals have been made in a few weeks. I know we all are sitting on pins and needles waiting for the next 'wave' of referrals. In our case, we don't expect a referral but it means things are moving in that direction. Plus, as you begin to read other's blogs and learn more about them, you start really feeling a part of their process and are cheering them on and hoping they get that 'call' as soon as possible.

So, here's to more 'positive' court processes and more referrals. Until next week.....

Forensic Blogging

One of the ladies who is adopting from the same agency we are using, started a FBI list. What is a FBI list? Forensic Blogging Initiative. She is keeping up with all 'known' families adopting from our agency. It contains their family 'code' name, their blog (if available), their wait list date, the age/gender of child(ren) they are requesting, referral date, court date(s), Embassy date, and maybe some other things. So everyday, we all check out her FBI list to see where we stand on the wait as well as supporting other families, many of whom have been waiting for so long. The family that has been on the list the longest has been on there since Sept 20th, 2007. OUCH! They are waiting for a sibling group. There are about 5 families ahead of us (remember, this is "KNOWN" families, meaning, families who have found out about the list and asked to be put on. There could be more 'unknown') requesting a child (age/gender) that fall into the same category as we are requesting. *sigh* So many more weeks of waiting ahead of us but HEY, check out the ticker at the top. We've got a few weeks under out belt and that feels pretty good.

FAQ #4: What about the kids?

What kids?

Oh, our kids!!!!

What about 'em?

Not trying to be flip or anything. It's just that if people knew us, they would know how much thought we put into adoption and how it would affect our current family. Everything has gone through our minds in regards to our children.

With Sawyer, he is small for his age and his needs are great. Will we be able to give him all he needs to reach his potential? (with 4 children in the home) It a question we are constantly asking. Our answer is 'YES' we think we can. One of the reasons we chose a young child was with him in mind. A larger/older child could physically take advantage of him. We don't presume that every larger child we might bring into this family would take advantage of him. However, we do realize that older children may have issues that would cause them to act out and hurt a younger/smaller child. Choosing a younger child will help us mitigate the potential problems. As for Sawyer and his personality, we think he will be very welcoming to another child.

With Ansley, there were issues we considered. She has doubts sometimes of her status in this family. Would she be okay with another child or would she feel threatened? Would her status as "The Little Princess" be shattered? That is one of the biggest reasons for us choosing a little boy. We think Ansley will be more accepting of a boy, rather than a girl as she will not feel as threatened. Of all our children, we feel she will have the hardest time adjusting.

With Judson, there were other issues we considered. Judson is a very special child. Again, we realize his needs are great. (Not in the same ways as Sawyer's but no less great) Yet, we feel that we can meet his needs and we also feel another child will be a positive influence in Judson's development. Judson also has a heart for adoption. Let me tell you 2 stories about Judson. Story One: Every time we go out (Just Me and Judson), I try to mention how special it is for he and I to be out alone. I tell him how much I enjoy being with him, etc. Almost every time, he will agree but he will say "You know, I love it too but I really like it when we all go out as a family" I tell you this for you to know, yes we realize that he needs 'his time' but understand that he REALLY enjoys his family. (Although, he is at the stage he thinks his sister is 'weird' and most likely ALL 3 year old girls are weird.) Story Two: He has asked me more than once, why are we adopting a boy. We should really adopt a girl. Then Ansley would have someone to play with, since I (Judson) have Sawyer. So one time, I told him: "most people adopting, adopt little girls. We thought it would be better to adopt a little boy because if we didn't, there'd be a little boy that might not have a family." He thought on this for a moment and said, "But if we don't adopt a little girl, there'll be a little girl that doesn't have family" He is right. In the world of adoption, there are always children left behind who will not find a family. He has such a wonderful heart.

The one thing we learned the first time around (oh heck, with each child we've re-learned this lesson) is NOTHING will go as you planned. When we prepared for Ansley's adoption, we moved Judson out of 'his' room and created a bigger room for he and Sawyer. We changed the smaller bedroom, into Ansley's room. Well, Ansley and Judson sleep in a bedroom together and Sawyer has his 'own' bedroom. This time around, we aren't even making any plans in that area. Maybe #4 will sleep in the room with Sawyer or maybe with Ansley and Judson or maybe in Mom and Dad's room. Whatever..... When Sawyer was in utero, we 'planned' for Down Syndrome (learning all about early intervention programs, etc) and heart defects. NOTHING prepared us for the life-threatening lung issues he had. The point is: You can plan and read and expect certain things to happen. The reality will most always be different than what you plan. So, while we've tried to think/prepare ourselves and our children for a new addition to our family, we fully expect that things will go differently than expected. We have no idea what/who will be different but we totally expect it to be different than what we've thought and prepared. That's just life, isn't it? You can plan and prepare but the reality requires you to also be flexible and to adapt.

Almost 1 Month

I know, I know. You never thought I'd make it 1 month without cracking. You were wrong! I think I'll be good through April. Come May, I'll start stressing. Just think, if the 3-5 month wait for referral is correct, we're either 1/3 or 1/4 or 1/5 of the way there. (Then we would start the next wait phase, but I shant go there yet) Yippee....

This weekend, Randy and his dad put in the 3rd row seat in my car. So bring on baby #4, we now have room to put him in the car. Prior to that, we were door-to-door car seats in the back seat. Check one nesting item off the list. We're moving right along. I now have to get a smaller double stroller since the old one is too honking big to fit now that we have the 3rd row seat.

In the month of March, I also got my 1st Hep A shot. (It's a 2 shot series) The kids had their first shot in January. This is the only shot the 4 of us will have to have, since we are not traveling. Randy has yet to get his first round of shots. He's ahead of the game since he did have some of the shots prior to traveling to Taiwan but there are many he will need to get prior to traveling to Ethiopia.

We continue to enjoy life as a family of 5 while looking forward to spending life as a family of 6!