FAQ #2 Why? Domestically vs. Internationally

Many people wonder why we'd adopt internationally, instead of domestically. Most of the time, these folks either don't understand domestic adoption or don't understand our family dynamic. Both play a part in why we chose international over domestic.

There are so many kids in this world who need a home, many of them here in the US. Believe me, I've checked. I've searched waiting children's lists, Wednesdays child, Thursdays child, etc. Many of the children available for adoption in the US are older, much older. Since our oldest is only 5, we felt (at this time) we were not equipped to parent an older child. Many of the older children in the foster care system have been through a lot in their lives and need parents with very special skills. We don't feel like we have those skills. Nor do we feel like the children we have at home now are at a stage where we can take on a child who is older.

Many of the children in the foster care system who are younger, are also medically fragile or have needs we feel we are incapable of handling. Plain and simple.

So that leaves children who are in limbo or newborns. We made a decision we did not want a newborn. BTDT, don't want to do it again. Plus, so many new couples/younger couples want newborns, we felt like we might be depriving another couple of a newborn child if we chose that route.

What about the kids in 'limbo'? Many, many kids fall into this category. They live in foster families until they can be put back into their birth families or until birth family rights are terminated. This means we would foster a child, perhaps a child we would consider adopting. This child might be in and out of our house/home/lives until such time as the courts made the decision as to where he/she might permanently be placed. It can take months, even years for the child's fate to be determined. Anyone who knows Ansley's story, knows she was in foster care while waiting on us to 'pick her up'. Because she was in care for so long, she saw many other kids come and go from her foster family. She still has problems feeling secure in our family. (They are getting better but the problems still exist) Having foster kid(s) coming and going in our family would NOT be good for her. She might not ever feel secure in this family.

So that leaves private adoption. Meaning, a friend, family member, acquaintance has a child they are putting up for adoption (usually a newborn) and they ask you to adopt this child through a private adoption. I have heard of such things but have never been faced with this option in my life. If that happens, I'll let you know what we decide.

So this is why we chose international adoption. Like it or not, it was our decision to make and this is why we made it. Many folks get real ticky about this but we made the decision that is right for our family and that's all we need to do or say.